I’m Accident Prone

Posted on June 8, 2010


Did you know they use coke for nose bleeds in the hospital? Medicinal coke but no medicinal marijuana. Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

About a month ago I dislocated my shoulder in the middle of the woods. I put it back myself, Mel Gibson Lethal Weapon-style. It went out again just a few minutes later. I put it back. A week after that I lifted myself up wrong getting out of bed and it went out. I put it back again. Yesterday I laid down on it wrong and guess what? It dislocated again. This time, though, it wasn’t as easy to get back in place. I couldn’t do it. So I got to go to the ER. I’m assuming ER’s are the same everywhere but the evansville ER sucks. I spent a good half hour with my arm stuck in the most uncomfortable position and in the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I cut my hand open down to the bone when I was 15 and that doesn’t even compare to the pain I felt yesterday. What made the wait even better was that while sitting there two teenage girls were giggling and taking pictures of me. When I caught them I heard one say to the other “oh shit he saw us”. Yeah bitch, I did. Do you want me to sign something for you? No? Then stop taking fucking pictures.

Then I got to sit at a desk where a lady asked me dumb questions. “Does it hurt?” No it feels good. I rather like the intense pain. Yes it hurts you dumb bitch. Of course I responded with a simple “yes” but she knew … I was a little peeved. In the middle of questioning she got a phone call that the other two nurses, who weren’t doing shit, apparently couldn’t answer. A 3 minute phone call about what room to put a lady with a headache seems like the longest phone call in the world. No that’s fine, no rush, I’ll just chill here until YOU are ready. Instead of making me go back in the waiting room they put me in a private room, and then they moved me. After waiting 20 minutes I had to get x-rays. My arm physically could not go in the positions they wanted it in which for some reason annoyed the technician. I went back to my room and continued to wait. Finally after a good hour and a half there they doped me up. I don’t remember the name of it but they said it was stronger than morphine. I’m not a fan of medications so I asked her if something that strong was really needed. She asked me, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad my pain was. I guess “pretty fucking bad” is an acceptable answer because she said “yeah you need it”. It was good stuff! I still had to wait on the doctor, who was the most laid back person in the world, to come in and sedate me. The next thing I know I’m opening my eyes thinking “shit if I don’t to sleep I’m never getting this thing back in place”. So I closed my eyes again and went out. Turns out it had already been done because a few minutes later I wake up to a nurse staring at me and my mom saying that Erika, my sister, was here and she was going to go find her. I had no idea they fixed it until I looked down and saw my arm in a normal position. I had to stick around for a little so they could take a few readings of my vitals and I was good to go. And I was still able to go on a great date after that, which made up for the horrible day I had had thus far.

So I have to wear this weird sling-like contraption until I see an orthopedic surgeon. They suggested I don’t go on tour because I need to see the surgeon in the next week. That’s not happening. I’m going to set up a time for when I get back. It looks like I might need ligament surgery now but that’ll be up to the surgeon. If not I’ll be having some intense rehab to get it back to normal. I guess I screwed it up pretty good this time.

Tomorrow we’re on the road again and I get to look like an idiot with a gimp arm. They gave me vicodin which doesn’t work. I wasnt planning on using them but the pain was so bad this morning I had to try it. I took 2 like they suggested and it didn’t do shit for me. You know, maybe if I lived in California I could get some pain medicine that’d actually work.

Posted in: Tour